Can You Eat Out Alone?

Alone and lonely.  These are two words that might sound the same to some people, because they think of them both in the same negative way.  But they are not the same.  Most people conjure up sad images of someone who is “alone,” and think of such words as cold, isolation, despair, or misery. 

People are alone for a variety of reasons — some by choice, some by chance.  And while I am sure that it is depressing to some to be alone, it doesn’t mean it is that way for everyone who finds themselves eating their dinner alone at night.  I have some friends who I know would never go out to eat a meal alone.  They find it sad and depressing and are embarrassed, for some reason, to eat alone.  I, on the other hand, love it. It makes me feel independent and capable.  I don’t  need a book (but it’s okay if you do or you just like to read while dining), but sometimes I will take a magazine.  I prefer to use that time to think about myself and what it is I am wanting to accomplish next or any little project I have going on or just watch other people and couples.  Sometimes, I just sit and completely enjoy my meal.  And anyone that’s been a mother for any length of time knows what a treat that is in itself!

The other day I had errands to run and it’s been so cold and we’ve had such bad weather for a while that we’ve been shut-ins for a bit.  Everyone was back at school and I was alone.  I thought how nice it would be to just sit alone with a cup of hot chocolate and my favorite doughnut (cherry cordial) at the donut place down the street.  I grabbed a magazine, some pen and paper, and my camera and headed that way. 

The girl at the counter asked me if it was for here or to go, and I proudly said, “Here!”  Then she asked if I wanted whipped cream, and with a big smile on my face I said, “Yes!”  I got my treats and headed for a table in the main room.  There was one customer with his laptop near the back, so I chose a booth facing the window where there was some light to read by.

I sat there and flipped through my magazine, reading an article and looking up now and then at people occasionally walking by.  I was so happy to have time to myself outside of my home, to just enjoy being alone and independent.  I’m not scared to be alone — unless it’s dark, but that’s a whole different thing.  I’m not sad to be alone because I have good friends and family that I see and talk to when I can, want to, or feel the need.  I feel peace when I can enjoy being with myself doing what I want or just relaxing or taking some time for slowing down and remembering the important things in life that matter.

I think everyone needs to learn how to be alone at some point in their lives.  I definitely think all young people need to learn how to live alone before they live with or marry anyone.  It gives you a chance to really get to know yourself and what it is you want out of your own life so you can feel solid in your decisions later in life. 

I’ve been in a relationship before (a past marriage) where I felt so lonely toward the end of it.  I remember the feeling and know I never want to feel that way again.  I could not imagine how anyone could be living with someone and, yet, feel so lonely.  I can honestly say, while there have been times since I’ve been single now and then that I wished I had someone to go out with or just spend some time with, I have never felt lonely the same way I did when I was married when things were at their worst.  That’s a horrible feeling and one I like to make the distinction between when I talk to my kids about being alone.

Lonely has its degrees of lonesomeness, and a little bit lonely is bearable.  But feeling totally alone (especially while in a relationship) is not something to be tolerated.  And while I’m certain my experience with loneliness never reached the depression stage, I can see how that could quickly happen if one was susceptible to that condition.  

Maybe I like being alone and feel okay with it because I have so many hobbies and things I want to do.  I love learning anything new and will seek out information anywhere I can to obtain a new skill.  I think it’s important for couples to be able to be alone in the same house even.  Just knowing the other person is nearby in another room enjoying their alone time with a hobby or the T.V. is comforting to me.  I don’t need them anchored around my neck to feel close. 

So, learn to be alone and be okay with it.  Learn to enjoy your time with yourself and contemplating the things in your life that matter.  Use your time alone to relax and recharge.  Spend some time alone doing something you love and can do alone, like a favorite hobby or reading a book.  Being alone is great and is okay and is not a bad thing.  Being alone can be a good way to get to really know your own self and to think about an important decision you need to make.  The ability to be alone with yourself speaks about how comfortable you are with yourself.  Do you like yourself enough to spend some time with “you?”  I do.